Sun-Dried Tomatoes: What a fucking waste
Dig it: Like many Americans, I enjoy a fine Jersey tomato from time to time. Without tomatoes there would be no pizza, no BLT’s, no marinara sauce. But I’m not here to talk about tomatoes. I’ll get to that another day. But WTF is up with taking a perfectly good vegetable fruit, and leaving it out in the sun to rot into a fetid bloody mass? And why in hell would someone look at that dessicated corpse and think, ooh, yummy? You are the Cryptkeeper of the produce section, your rotting flesh floating in little artisanal vinegar jars like so many deformed fetuses.
Fresh tomatoes aren’t always winners in the looks department, especially when you cut them open (no less than the great George Carlin once described them as looking like they are “still in the larval stage”, which I can’t disagree with). But at least they look edible. At least they’re plump and juicy and sweet smelling. Sun-dried tomatoes look like what you’d get with just about any vegetable if you left it behind the couch for a couple of months, granted with a slightly more subtle odor. And they taste like warm puke. Warm lasagna puke. But you know, they’re expensive and on the cover of Gourmet magazine, so they must be good.
-3/10. Yeah, that’s negative three. Extra points lost for sounding like something a normal person might enjoy. Rot-decayed tomatoes is more like it.
image via wikipedia - via Andrew Deacon on flickr
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