Fuck You, Broccoli

An in-depth exploration of vegetables and other so-called healthy foods.

You say Okra, I say pustulent slime pods

Well, I’ve been doing this for weeks now and we’ve finally reached the nadir. Pardon me if I feel the need to “go medieval” on this next vegetable’s “ass”.

Okra, you foul, putrid excrescence. Born from slime and glaucous goo and only edible by the definition of the word which means “non-toxic.” You boast the color of nuclear waste and the flavor of raw sewage. You seep slime from your pores and befoul the earth with your stink. Cooking you would be an insult to my cheap-ass Farberware from Target. Shitting you would be redundant.

The only good thing I have to say about you is that there was a great fake commercial for Okra Cola with Steve Martin on Saturday Night Live when I was growing up, but I can’t even link to it since it’s not on fucking Hulu. When you’re too despicable for the internet, baby, you’ve hit bottom.

-∞/10. It just doesn’t get any lower.

image via wikipedia

  1. clearlynot reblogged this from inle-hain and added:
    I agree with everything in that assessment.
  2. inle-hain reblogged this from fuckyoubroccoli and added:
    Well, I’ve been doing this for weeks now and we’ve finally reached the nadir. Pardon me if I feel the need to “go...
  3. carolinerussock reblogged this from fuckyoubroccoli
  4. meimcounting reblogged this from fuckyoubroccoli
  5. ofknightandspace reblogged this from fuckyoubroccoli
  6. fuckyoubroccoli posted this

All proceeds will be spent directly on fine, upstanding products such as Tastykakes and beer, and will in no way contribute to the Vegetable Industrial Complex (with the possible exception of Big Corn).