Sprouts: The Devil’s Pubes
Sprouts, I don’t know how to break this to you, but you are a nasty excuse for a vegetable. You’re basically what we get when beans go bad, and when you factor in that beans are never good to begin with, that’s a lot of low to limbo under. I imagine it’s pretty difficult to simultaneously comprise no taste and all aftertaste, but somehow you manage it. Worse yet, you have this irritating way of tickling my sensitive mouth-bits like bad dental floss during a particularly bad hangover.
And what the hell are those little penisy protuberances at your tips? If you were any bigger, that shit would be cut right the hell off the same way we circumcize string beans, but somehow you gets a pass because who has that kind of time.
I’m also especially annoyed at the way you insinuate yourself into otherwise delicious soups, disguised as noodles. Noodles that crunch. And trust me when I say that the human psyche is not really qualified to deal with foods that crunch when they’re not supposed to. If bite into something that I think should be soft (pasta, banana slice, meatloaf) and it resists against my teeth with any sort of sound effect, trust me I’m gonna freak out because assuming nothing’s burned, only one thing crunches when it’s inside soft foods, and that’s exoskeleton. Or, well, skeleton, but that’s just too gross to contemplate. As are you.
1/10. Also because you’re called Mung beans, and I ain’t eating that.
image via wikipedia
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inle-hain reblogged this from fuckyoubroccoli and added:
I’ll never look at bean spouts the same way again. But I think the Devil’s pubes would be sorta hot.
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fuckyoubroccoli posted this
