Fuck You, Broccoli

Snow Peas, a.k.a. Little presents for people you hate

Okay, this is the part of our show where I admit that the whole pea thing eludes me. Nasty, green-tasting ball bearings of suck whose only redeeming feature seems to be how nicely your frozen cohort can serve as an ice pack. Then there are the offshoots (pun intended? Maybe. Do you really give a fuck?). Sugar snap peas, where the outsides are crunchy and the actual peas are dessicated nubbins that look disturbingly like what the oral surgeon does to your poor molars just before he slips the crowns on. Black-eyed peas, which are to the pea family what the boll weevil is to the beetle: that embarrassing Southern relative you hope you never cross paths with.

And then there are snow peas. Slimy, waxy packets of vaguely pea-shaped pulp, hiding inside salads like little chewy mantis wings that never go down right. Or wilting all over my Chinese food like tiny green Victorian women having the vapours. No crunch. No real flavor. No point but extra starch as a filler so the management can save on chicken costs. No thanks.

3/10. I will admit, you are the most visually attractive of all the podded legumes.

image via the ARC Centre of Excellence for Integrative Legume Research, of the University of Queensland.  I swear I am not making this up.

1. 50shades-of-ba-sing-se likes this
2. sixgrams likes this
3. fuckyoubroccoli posted this