Fuck You, Broccoli

An in-depth exploration of vegetables and other so-called healthy foods.

Collard Greens - the definitive recipe


  • 1 bunch collard greens
  • 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 large eggs
  • 2 cups milk chocolate chips
  • 1 beer

Preheat oven to 375° F.

Combine flour, baking soda and salt in a small bowl. In a separate mixing bowl, mix butter, granulated sugar, vanilla extract and brown sugar until creamy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually add in flour mixture. Stir in chocolate chips. Throw collard greens into trash.

Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets and bake until golden brown. Drink beer while you wait.

0/10. Fuck collard greens.

image via wikipedia

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All proceeds will be spent directly on fine, upstanding products such as Tastykakes and beer, and will in no way contribute to the Vegetable Industrial Complex (with the possible exception of Big Corn).